Back in the old days, when people huddled around radios powered by lead-acid batteries to listen to the news followed by their favourite serial, the term “Q-car” (not to be confused with “Z-Cars”, which was a radio drama in its own right) related to an unmarked police car, and especially one with a suped-up engine.
The original term used by the London Metropolitan Police was “quiet car”; these days, however, it’s still used in Britain and elsewhere to describe any car that looks meek and mild on the outside, but has a hidden wild streak, a hugely powerful engine; a wolf in sheep’s clothing of note.
Which brings us to the Audi Q7, about which one could NEVER use the term “Q-Car”, for there’s nothing understated about its growling face of a grille, its powerfully-built bodywork, its huge wheels and over-sized wheel arches.
If anything, the antithesis of a Q-Car, in fact. Which makes one wonder why Audi gave it that name…
In essence, the Q7 is an A8 on steroids, all pumped up and pimped up to look great in the city.
But can it perform off-road? Well, as it happens it performs remarkably well, given that it’s big and cumbersome, and doesn’t have low ratio.
What it does have, though, is the biggest grille this side of a South African barbie after the Rugby World Cup final.
And it sizzles just as much, too, with the Audi four rings prominent in the upper portion, the number plate settled in the centre, and side intakes which feed air into the brakes giving a wider and gentler look to a face which would otherwise be just too scary.
The big wheels – 20 inch in diameter and nine inches wide, shod with 275/45 R20 high performance rubber and with seven double spokes - sit in big-blistered wheel arches.
From the side the roof swoops backwards from the steep windscreen to an almost equally sloping rear window, the side glass blacked out from the front doors back to add menace to the side view.
The Q7 looks long, and it is, at more than 5 metres 15 cm longer than its Volkswagen sibling, the Touareg, and as wide as that other car built off the same platform, the Porsche Cayenne.
At the rear there’s a big lift-up tailgate which rises so high into the sky when opened that our shortest staff member just couldn’t reach it. Fortunately she’s smart as, and spotted the push button that electrically closes it before the office wag could even start a smirk.
Inside, if you are familiar with Audis you will feel right at home in the Q7. Its dashboard layout is similar to that of the A6 and A8, and the build quality is top drawer.
There’s a scintillating combination of aluminium and wood in the trim and design elements on the dash and its surrounds that is typically Audi, while the leather-rimmed steering wheel, endowed with a facsimile of the current Audi grille design, has perforated grip areas and satellite controls for the superb sound system.
It’s all clean and simple, with only the MMI system spoiling that simplicity by foisting a BMW iDrive look-alike controller onto Audi owners.
For instance, you shouldn’t have to go into the MMI system and work through a display on the central screen to adjust the ride height or select off-road mode: this should be a simple push-button function – you might need to do it in a hurry!
But at least the rear camera comes on automatically when you select reverse. And you can see where the back end is going to go depending on the position of the steering wheel – a series of dotted lines on the screen shows you.
That’s in addition to the normal audible bleeps when you get too close to anything solid.
Brilliant!
Another brilliant concept is the side assist feature. Designed to eliminate blind spots, it flashes a yellow light integrated into the side-view mirrors whenever a vehicle approaches from behind and the Q7 driver attempts a lane change.
It uses intelligent radar technology linked to two sensors in the rear bumper which monitor the area next to and behind the Q7.
The Q7 is loaded with features, from the climate control air con/heating which has dual controls for front seat passengers, through to the superb audio setup with radio/CD and no fewer than 11 speakers.
Naturally there are electric controls for the front seats, the windows, and the mirrors, but not usually available on an SUV is electric opening (and closing) of the rear door.
This is especially useful when you’ve got your arms full of stuff you want to put into the back – and if it’s really heavy, you can even get the vehicle to “kneel” to make the load height less.
On the road the Q7 is a delight – once you’ve got used to its size.
Ostensibly a road-burner deluxe with some off-road ability, the Q7 is more comfortable on tar seal than off.
It has a sophisticated independent suspension with double wishbones at the front and rear and most components are made of aluminium to lower the unsprung weight, and it’s designed to offer a good mixture of sporty handling and comfort.
Adaptive air suspension is standard on the 4.2 TDI, as tested, and the combination of air suspension and an electronically controlled damping system means you can dial-in what you want it to do.
Naturally the Q7 has Audi’s famed Quattro 4WD system.
However, it’s not the same as the original version, which featured a 50:50 torque split between front and rear axles; the latest quattro as found on the Q7 now offers more rear-bias, allowing for a sportier handling setup and less front-drive understeer.
Front/rear split is controlled by a Torsen mechanical torque sensing centre differential up to a maximum of 40 front/60 rear, while lateral slip between the wheels on the rear axle uses an electronically controlled differential as well as electronic stability programme and all its alphabetical components, including ASR traction control.
The Torsen-based quattro system also offers an advantage in the opposite function of distributing power to the wheels: engine-braking.
When engine-braking is used to slow the car down, the resulting loads on the front and rear axle are stabilised by the Torsen system in exactly the same way that engine power is diverted - mechanically.
This allows the spreading of the engine-braking load on the tyres among the four wheels and helps provide better response, particularly when descending a slippery hill.
Talking of which, the Q7 also has a built-in hill descent system which operates in off-road mode to control downhill speed using the ABS system; there’s also a hill start function which holds the vehicle on a hill for long enough for the driver to transfer his foot from the brake to the accelerator.
The same as the ESP-Plus system used on the Touareg, it also disengages the ABS braking system in loose sand/gravel or snow to allow the brakes to work more effectively.
Normally ABS prevents brake lockup, but in certain conditions, as mentioned, locking the wheels allows a wedge to build up in front of the tyres, slowing the car more effectively than usual.
During our testing out on the farm we encountered quite a few long slippery hills, but the Q7 felt remarkably safe and steady despite not having the benefit of a low ratio gearbox; the system works quite well, though we still feel low ratio is the best way to control a hill descent in really bad conditions.
The adaptive air suspension, by the way, controls the vehicle’s suspension according to how you choose to use it. On tar seal it lowers and stiffens the suspension; off-road it lifts the vehicle.
Ground clearance can be varied between 150 and 240 mm in five stages, with the top setting designed only to be used at very slow speeds to get the driver out of trouble.
One thing we would have liked – always prefer – is a normal handbrake between the seats. However Audi has eschewed this in favour of a Merc-like foot-operated parking brake. It’s all right for parking in conjunction with the auto ‘box, but virtually useless as an emergency brake.
In keeping with its size the Q7 is a spacious vehicle inside, although some passengers were disappointed at the amount of space they had to share, feeling better use could have been made of its exterior size in packaging the interior.
Numerous storage compartments and up to six cup holders enhance travelling comfort and the door pockets are fitted with holders that will even take 1.5-litre bottles.
The seats in the Audi Q7 offer excellent comfort on long journeys and a relaxed seated position throughout the vehicle. The middle seat row can be adjusted forward and back by up to 100 mm.
The 7-seat version of the Q7 has two seats in the third row in addition to the capacious ones in the centre. They fold flat into the floor when you need more luggage space, and are really only for temporary use; even children won’t be comfortable for long.
There are in fact 28 seating permutations, with 330 litres of luggage space available when seven people are being carried, 775 litres with five on board, and a level floor allowing 2,035 litres with all the seats stashed.
One thing we haven’t touched on yet is the drive train.
The Q7 4.2 TDI, as tested, has a superbly-smooth V8 quad camshaft twin turbo engine with direct engine, and it pushes out a phenomenal 240 kW at 3,750 rpm, but more importantly 760 Nm or torque maxing as low as 1,600 rpm.
This is linked to an equally remarkable 6-speed Tiptronic automatic gearbox with adaptive mode, which means it adjusts to your driving style – or you can choose a manual sports mode complete with steering wheel paddles.
All this translates into lots and lots of performance and instant get-up-and go, giving the Q7 the performance to match its looks.
All very satisfying – except for the three occasions when we were left without any drive for a couple of milliseconds, twice while turning right from a major into a minor road – across the traffic – and once exiting a roundabout.
This seems to be happening more and more these days on vehicles equipped with these fancy electronic gearboxes, and we can’t help wondering if they’re becoming TOO clever for their own – and our – good.
Maybe a few steps back to the KISS principle?
In summary, the Q7 is one of those vehicles you either love or hate. Comfort and luxury personified, on-road it is almost as capable as its rivals the BMW X5 or Porsche Cayenne, though not quite as nimble as either.
Off-road – well, not as soft and shiny as you might have expected.    *